TW - eating disorder, abuse
When Thomas (Limburg, Belgium) saw the movie To the Bone, he realised his own strength by overcoming his eating disorder. “I just thought to myself: wow, I’m a really strong person for still being here.”
Thomas Keena: "The Perks of Being a Wallflower made me realise that what happened to me wasn’t okay."
To the Bone is a film on Netflix about a 20-year-old girl’s struggle with anorexia. The main character, Ellen, has severe issues with her body image and is shown counting every calorie and running up the stairs to burn them. She gets admitted to an intensive programme to get help and we see her journey to a healthier lifestyle, which basically serves as a subplot to a romantic storyline. Netflix’s main motivation for the film was to draw attention to eating disorders by showing a story about recovery.
“The movie To the Bone was quite accurate, but that also depends on person to person. An eating disorder is different for everyone. What I liked is that when she’s staying in the house, other eating disorders are shown as well. It shows that there are so many different combinations and that guys can have such illnesses as well," Thomas says.
“Everybody experiences an eating disorder differently. I experienced it differently than Ellen did, and someone else experienced it differently than I did. When I was in the midst of my disorder, it was really hard for me to differentiate my personality from my disorder. When I was getting better, I didn’t know what was healthy or not. I didn’t know what I had to change. Was it part of my personality to work out that many times a week or was that the illness talking?”
Sent in a small crisis “When I see a movie like that, I’m confronted with the impact I had on other people. It sometimes sends me into a small crisis, because I never realised how much I affected my loved ones. I regret that a lot," Thomas reminisces.
“The movie didn’t make me want to have an eating disorder again. I’m at a point in my life where I’m healthy. When you have an eating disorder, you can’t maintain your daily life. I’d have to drop out of college again and wouldn’t be able to do lots of other stuff that I enjoy.“
“I can imagine that if you’re still in a bad place mentally, you’d consider copying the stuff you see on TV. I think that if you’ve actually experienced this illness and you’ve gotten better, the chance of being triggered is much less likely.”
Confronted with his past Another movie that made Thomas reflect on himself was The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It follows the fifteen-year-old Charlie during his freshman year of high school where he makes and loses friends, experiments with drugs and his sexuality, finds love and comes to terms with his past.
This movie was really important to Thomas because it gave him an insight he hadn’t had before: “By the end of the movie we find out that Charlie has been sexually abused by his aunt and that he struggles with that a lot. When I was little, I experienced the same thing with my cousin. It made me realise that what happened to me wasn’t okay," says Thomas.
“It’s something I’ve blocked out for such a big part of my life. It was a memory I had forgotten, but then it suddenly resurfaced. It was such a relief to finally talk about it with my parents and my friends.”
The Perks of Being a Wallflower didn’t use any trigger warnings, so it took many viewers by surprise: “I knew something was going on with Charlie, but I didn’t know what. When it became clear he was abused, I was really taken aback. I would still have watched it, though, even if there was a trigger warning. I really like movies and shows that talk about topics like this.”
"If I were still the person I used to be, I definitely would’ve binged Euphoria. But I’ve learned to protect myself over the years.”
Anyone can suffer Thomas is really careful when it comes to binge-watching: “When I started watching Euphoria, a series that deals with drug addiction, abortion, sexuality, transgender people and so on, I was really careful to have a break between every episode. It would have been too emotional for me to watch. I need some time to recuperate and process everything that has happened. If I binged it, I would have been overwhelmed.”
“Euphoria did show that everyone can suffer from something and it also showed the consequences there are to drug abuse and everything else that happened in the show. It’s pretty realistic, to a certain level. It’s Hollywood, so it’s a bit extreme. If I were still the person I used to be, I definitely would’ve binged Euphoria. But I’ve learned to protect myself over the years.”
If you're struggling with an eating disorder, contact WijZijnMind (Belgium & The Netherlands) or contact your country's helpline.
If you've ever been sexually assaulted, go to www.seksueelgeweld.be for Belgium. International readers can contact www.rainn.org and chat online with a trained staff member who can provide you confidential crisis support.
If you ever think about suicide or self-harm, and are in need of a conversation, then you can always contact the Suicide Hotline on the number 1813 or www.zelfmoord1813.be for Belgium. For international helplines, please click this link.
Text and image: © Janne Schellingen