TW – suicide, eating disorder
Ericka from The Philippines has been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years. She was taken aback when watching teen comedy The Edge of Seventeen when the main character walked into her teacher’s office and proclaimed she was going to kill herself: “The movie skimmed over the fact like it was just some silly joke.”
Main character Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld) in The Edge Of Seventeen: STX Entertainment
The Edge Of Seventeen (2017), directed by Kelly Fremon Craig, is an American comedy-drama about a quirky 17-year-old girl who discovers her best friend has fallen in love with her popular older brother. The main character, Nadine, is unhappy with herself. She hates the way her voice sounds in voicemails, and the way her face looks when she chews gum. She struggles knowing she'll have to live with herself for the rest of her life. Many reviewers called the film the next John Hughes-like classic, but Ericka found it highly unrealistic: “I really doubt a student will deliberately tell their teacher she’s going to kill herself so calmly. I can tell from experience; that doesn’t happen in real life.”
“The movie could have been so much better if Nadine would’ve had a real problem to begin with. We know nothing about her previous struggles. Yes, we know her dad died but that’s basically it. The makers just made it seem as if her being suicidal was a normal thing and a way for her to be quirky and interesting”.
Shared loneliness
Even though Ericka thinks the movie was unrealistic, she still recognised herself in the main character: “Somehow, I still related to her life. Nadine was a girl looking for her place in the world. She didn’t have anyone to talk to and I felt as alone as her.”
“A line that really affected me was when Nadine had a breakdown and said: ‘You know, ever since we were little, I would get this feeling like I'm floating outside of my body, looking down at myself. And I hate what I see, how I'm acting, the way I sound. And I don't know how to change it. And I'm so scared that the feeling is never going to go away.’ I was really insecure about myself too. I had never really liked the way I was, and this line put those feelings into words.”
Red Band Society
“Movies and films often have a long-term influence on my mental health. The Edge of Seventeen shocked me but it didn’t have a negative effect. I mostly get triggered when the portrayal of mental illnesses was done correctly because then I can relate to the characters. I tend to mirror their behaviour in some way,” Ericka explains.
"When I saw the show, I suddenly got the idea of what I could do to better myself."
Ericka started to starve herself after watching Red Band Society (2014-2015), an American teen medical comedy-drama that aired for only one season on Fox, which focused on a group of teenagers living together in the same hospital. One of the main characters is in treatment at the hospital because of an eating disorder.
“I personally think Emma from Red Band Society was the perfect portrayal of someone suffering from anorexia. She never wants to eat and always says she’s not hungry. When she does eat, she writes the calorie count of every single item in a notebook. We see the root of her problem because her mother also has a background in mental illness.”
Emma (Ciara Bravo) is in treatment for her anorexia, Red Band Society: Fox Broadcasting Company
Emma continues, “That show specifically affected me the most because I started to starve myself and purged when I ate too much. I hated my body before, but I never acted on it. When I saw the show, I suddenly got the idea of what I could do to better myself. I started telling people I wasn’t hungry even though I was, and lived by a quote from Emma where she says: ‘If I don’t need lunch, maybe I don’t need breakfast or dinner either.’”
Information abundance
Ericka is still dealing with these issues but is trying to be more careful “I used to binge every show, which I think put too much information into my head. It made me start to feel like the characters and less like myself. I know the effect these shows can have on me now, so I try not to binge a whole season at a time. I watched the second season of 13 Reasons Why bit by bit because it helped me to be more grounded to reality.”
If you struggle with an eating disorder, please contact WijZijnMind for Belgium and The Netherlands or contact your country's helpline.
If you ever think about suicide or self-harm, and are in need of a conversation, then you can always contact the Suicide Hotline on the number 1813 or www.zelfmoord1813.be for Belgium. For international helplines, please click this link.
Text: Femke Lippens