TW: depression, suicide
While the title might indicate differently, Horse Girl actually isn’t a quirky film about a girl obsessed with horses. When the story’s halfway, the often strange film makes it clear that the main character Sarah (Alison Brie) deals with a difficult mental illness and that she’s stuck in her own thoughts.
Sarah in Horse Girl: Netflix
The American film was released by Netflix on February 7th, 2020. It follows Sarah, an awkward, introverted young woman who works at a crafts store. At first glance, the film seems relatable for many. Sarah’s a lonely girl who has trouble making friends. She spends most of her time watching a supernatural crime drama called Purgatory and grooming her childhood horse. But as the movie continues, it becomes clear her story is anything but relatable for many viewers. Sarah wakes up in the middle of the night in random places, she has dreams where she sees people she hasn’t met yet and after a while, she starts to believe that she’s regularly abducted by aliens.
Sarah’s mother was suffering from depression before she committed suicide. Her grandmother, Helen, was suffering from serious paranoid schizophrenia. Eventually, Sarah starts to spiral, doubting if she can trust herself and her beliefs, or if she’s experiencing the same mental issues her grandmother experienced.
Spiraling along Sarah is never diagnosed in the movie, but it’s clear that she’s suffering from a mental illness. The main goal of Horse girl was to put the audience in the shoes of the character, actress Alison Brie says in an interview with Vulture. And that it definitely did. While watching the movie, you feel like you’re there with her. You experience everything she’s experiencing.
When Sarah’s sane, the music is really calm. When she’s having an episode, she’s spiraling and you spiral along with her because of the very disruptive, almost anxiety-inducing music. You feel like you’re in a horror movie, waiting for a jump scare, but it never comes. The constant thudding and drumming of the music builds up and shows how scared Sarah actually is. You can see how much she’s hurting by what she’s experiencing as real.
Far from romanticisation Alison Brie wrote the movie together with American director Jeff Baena. She based it on her real-life family history with paranoid schizophrenia and depression. While the movie is more abstract and surreal -Brie has a big love for the sci-fi genre-, it does tell the story of a girl suffering from mental illness. Horse Girl never romanticises anything. The film shows how horrifying it is to deal with, and not only for Sarah, but also for the people close to her.
At one point, she takes her date Darren -who by sheer coincidence has the same name as the main character in Purgatory-, to the cemetery her grandmother is buried at. Sarah thinks she’s a clone of Helen and wants to prove it by digging up her body. From that moment on, it becomes clear to her environment that it’s not just silly conspiracy theories, but something Sarah actually believes in. She screams at Darren to go away and proceeds to have a breakdown while he eventually drives off out of fear.
The film shows Sarah eventually looking for help. She’s admitted to a program for 73 hours, but then proceeds to believe she doesn’t need any help anymore. Her social worker, who does the best he can, explicitly tells her she needs more help and advises her to go to a different clinic, but Sarah doesn’t listen. She’s too convinced of her own thoughts and doesn’t believe she’s suffering from any mental illness.
Reality or fiction? The big question you ask yourself throughout the movie is: is this real or not? At some moments, it seems like the aliens are actually real. That everything she’s experiencing is actually happening. But a few moments later, that thought is shot down again because the movie shows it’s because of her mental state and it’s all in her head.
The last thing we see is Sarah levitating into the sky, though whether she’s being abducted by aliens or experiencing a break with reality, it’s hard to tell. The levitation can also be seen as a metaphor for Sarah’s death, perhaps by suicide. It’s up to the viewer to determine her fate. Is it a cry for help, a suicide or an actual alien abduction? You interpret it the way you want.
I was glad to be watching Horse Girl with a friend, because the movie and the music were so anxiety inducing it was hard for me to continue watching. If you have a history of mental illness, or you suffer from anxiety easily, I recommend watching the film with someone you trust and you can talk to. But it’s definitely worth viewing, because it takes on a new perspective on talking about mental health.
Our ratings
To see if a movie or show portrayed mental illness correctly, we've created three requirements it should live up to. Each requirement is based on interviews we've done with experts and will be rated on a scale of 1 to 5 #'s.
1. Is there a reason for the character to act / feel like this? #####
2. Is the character portrayed as a human being instead of a bad person / villain? #####
3. Is there a message of hope included? #####
If you ever think about suicide or self-harm, and are in need of a conversation, then you can always contact the Suicide Hotline on the number 1813 or www.zelfmoord1813.be for Belgium. For international helplines, click this link.
Text: Janne Schellingen